I really don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself to be “thin.”
I’m healthy. I eat healthy and I’m active, I work out at least 4 times a week. Sure I have some bad eating days now and then but I really do eat very healthy and am really aware of what I put into my body.
And then, somedays, I feel comfortable with myself and I feel happy with myself. But, as soon as that happens, as soon as good thoughts come to my head about myself, It’s almost like I panic. Like I’m afraid to love myself and my body and I’m afraid to become “too comfortable” or something out of fear of gaining weight back.
It’s very frustrating. I just don’t know why I don’t lose weight like other people do. I do all the right things and some days It just feels like there is no progress.
Just last week I was ecstatic at all the compliment I was getting from the people I haven’t seen from high school. I felt so good. But somehow, throughout the course of the week, with that little voice in my head, I somehow convinced myself that It’s still not good enough.
I also keep saying that once I’m under 200 I’ll finally be happy. But I also remember saying when I was 270 that if I could only get to 220 and be a size 16 I would be happy. Well guess what? I’ve surpassed that and I’m still not happy.
It’s all very confusing inside my head somedays. I want to love myself and my body but I’m afraid that if I do, I’m not going to make progress. The Ironic thing is, that I’m not making much progress anyways. :/